Dancing with Mark
by fluffypinkclouds
Summary: Everyone comes into your life for a reason. Some just pass by, others change it completely. Mark Ballas would be that person for Crystal, forcing her to face her darkest secret, but will she have to let go of him in the end?
1. Chapter 1

"Don't let it be Mark Ballas. Don't let it be Mark Ballas." I kept chanting.

I opened the door. And there he stood. Mark Ballas.

Shit.

"Hi, I'm Mark. I see we're going to be partners for this season. That's great!"

"Yea…great…just great…" I said under my breath.

"What's that?"

"I'm Crystal. Crystal Chen." I smiled and held out my hand.

"I know. The writer, right?"

"Yup, that's what they call me."

"I'm sorry, I don't think I've read any of your books," said Mark, sounding sheepish.

"That's alright. I didn't think they'd appeal to your particular demographic," I replied. Keep smiling, I told myself.

There was a momentary silence. Great…I'm already feeling awkward.

"Well, Iet's get started, shall we?" He still sounded sheepish. Was that possible?

"Hey, I'll get you a copy tomorrow. Then you can tell me if you like it. But you don't have to read it if you don't want to."

He laughed. It sounded quite sincere. I don't know, I'm still having reservations.

"Thanks. You know, we'll be spending a lot of time together. 14 weeks, hopefully? I'm sure we can get to know each other better. "

He actually said it with a straight face. No double entendre. Gee…I must be more unattractive than I thought. Then, smile, I reminded myself.

The rest of the day went without much of a hitch. If you didn't take into the account the trips and falls. Or the weird spasms that my limbs seemed to be

experiencing in lieu of graceful movements. Even when Mark went through the steps in uber slow motion. It got progressively embarrassing as the day

went on.

Finally, when I could take it no longer, I said, "I'm really sorry, Mark."

He stopped in mid step, hand still clasping mine. "What for?"

"I'm a really, really, really bad dancer, aren't I? I'm totally botching up this Cha-Cha. My hips are jerky. I know I can count, but I keep missing a beat or

two or three. I turn when you don't. And I'm sure your feet must be swollen right now because I keep stepping on them." I winced as I finished the

sentence.

He looked me straight in the eye. I can't help it, I look away.

"Look, it's obvious you've never had any training before. But that's alright. I've trained Bristol Palin. And I can train you, Crystal. Trust me?"

He pulled up my chin so that my downward cast eyes would look back into his.

"Trust me," he repeated. After a moment, he added, "And remember to breathe."

I exhaled. Blood rushed to my face.

He smirked.

Damn.

- to be continued-


	2. Chapter 2

I stepped out of the shower, glad to smell decent once more. I must remember to bring more shirts to change for rehearsals tomorrow.

Apparently, it was a practice that no one had informed me of. _Sigh_. Mark had to lend me one of his just so I would stop dripping on the

dance floor.

I switched on my computer and loaded the story I had been working on.

_"And he whispered in her ear…"_

_"Remember to breathe."_

No. He's not going to say that. They just had their first kiss. Besides, I am not going to use a line by Mark Ballas.

"_And he whispered in her ear…"_

"_Trust me."_

I groaned. This is going to be a very long week.

On the way to the DWTS studio the next day, my phone rang. The screen flashed "Elaine". My editor.

"Babe. I haven't received your next chapter."

"I know, Elaine. I tried working on it last night."

Silence.

"And…," prompted Elaine.

"You know I'm on this Dancing with the Stars thing. The one that Jen signed me up for, I might add."

Her guffaw came through the phone.

"It's not funny, Elaine. I'm a writer. A trashy writer, I admit, but a writer, no less. NOT a dancer. If Jen hadn't been so damn persuasive

about it, you know I wouldn't have agreed to this in a million years."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. But the thought of you, dancing, it's…"

"Hilarious. I know. I know!"

"Fine. I'm going to stop laughing now. So what's the hold up?"

"Mark Ballas." I said, before I could stop myself.

"Mark Ballas? The Mark Ballas?"

I grunted in response. Apparently, she heard me.

"Oh, babe, I know I'm supposed to feel sorry for you, but I don't. He's fine!"

"But I don't want him to be so fine! It's distracting! And you know I don't need that in my life anymore, Elaine."

"I get it, Crys. But look, you already agreed to do this. Just think of it as part of your job. It'll really help promote your new book and

you know it."

"Pssht." I scoffed. "That's IF I have a new book."

"That bad, huh. Well, maybe you can draw inspiration from him."

"PSSHT!" I scoffed again, louder. "I don't want to!" I'm being whiny and I know it.

"Look, you're going to be fine. You'll pull off the book, like you always do. Through some last minute miracle inspiration you get from god

knows where. Just enjoy yourself."

I knew she was right so I bit back the snarky retort my petulant self was about to give her. I sighed.

"I know, E. Thanks. Though it's not like I'm some literary genius. Sappy romance doesn't really need that much inspiration, you know."

"Tell that to the 2 million women who've bought your books. And counting!"

"Ok. Ok. I have to go. I'm at the studio. I'll try to pass you the next chapter tonight."

"Great! Good luck, Crys. And hey, remember to just enjoy yourself. You've earned it."

"Thanks. Bye."

I hung up and got out of the car. As I walked through the gates, I saw a flash of light. I turned around to see a guy holding up a

camera and point it at me. _Flash_. And another. _Flash_. And another. _Flash. _

"Crystal! Crystal! How're rehearsals going? We heard you got paired up with Mark. Are you getting along?"

"Um…they're great. I mean, he's great. I mean…"

"Rehearsals are going great. Thanks, guys! See you on the show." Mark had appeared seemingly out of nowhere, blurted those words

to the reporter and grabbed me by the waist. While guiding me in through the main doors, he paused to wave at the flashing lights,

before stepping in behind me.

"Is that how it's going to be all the time?" I asked.

"Yea. It's part and parcel of the being on the show."

"Oh."

He gave me a disbelieving look.

"I'm a writer. I like to stay behind the scenes."

"So why did you agree to come on the show?"

"Good question," I replied.

"No. Really. Why'd you agree to it?"

"I'm a writer. Not an heiress. My books need promoting. And my agent thought this would be a great opportunity for my next book."

"Oh, you're working on your next one?"

"Yea. At least I'm trying to. Oh, here."

I grabbed a book out of my bag and handed it to him. He looked at me questioningly.

"My book?"

Silence.

" I said I'd get you a copy?"

More silence.

"Because you said you'd never read any of my books before?"

"Right! Er…thanks!"

"Look, you really don't have to read it if you don't want to." I attempted to grab it back, but he moved it out of my reach.

"No no. I'll read it." He glanced at the cover and raised his eyebrows.

"Of course you will." I muttered under my breath.

I stomped into the dance studio and plonked my bags onto the floor.

"Hey, is everything alright?" asked Mark. He dropped his bags and came to stand directly in front of me.

_How can I be alright when you're standing so damn close?_

I looked into his eyes. Damn, his lashes are long.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. It's nothing. Let's get on with rehearsals."

"Babe…" he started, but I immediately snapped back.

"I'm not your babe. Don't call me babe."

He looked stunned for a second.

"Did I do something wrong yesterday? Because I really don't remember."

I sighed, cursing myself.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you. And it's fine. You can call me babe, or whatever. I'm…having PMS."

"Oh."

The excuse seemed to work because he smiled again. "Shall we dance, then?"

At the end of the day, I don't think I've ever felt this sore or out of breath before. I sat down and rubbed my calves.

"You okay?" Mark came and sat down beside me. A bit too close.

I nodded, weakly. "I'm glad we did our package thing earlier. I wouldn't have had the energy to say anything to the camera after all

that."

"Well, you're talking to me now." He grinned.

Damn, his lashes are really long. He must've caught me staring because his grin turned into a smirk. I felt blood rush to my face again.

And tried to hide it by gulping some water from my bottle.

"You're cute, Crystal." He leaned over to give me a hug.

"Why?"

Mark just laughed. I scowled back. He laughed even harder. Then all of a sudden, he leaned in really close to my face and whispered,

"You're cute when you blush."

I must've turned even redder, because he laughed again.

"Come on, let's get out of here. A bunch of us are heading for some drinks. Wanna join us?"

"Who's us?" I asked.

"The other pros and their partners."

I hesitated. I hate clubs.

"Oh, c'mon. We can get to know each other. It'll be fun."

I made a face. "I hate clubs."

"Really? Why?" He sounded incredulous.

"Because they're loud and full of sweaty people."

"We're sweaty right now."

"But we're not loud right now."

"The show's going to be loud, you know."

I rolled my eyes. He smirked, knowing he'd won.

"C'mon, cute Crystal. Where do you stay? I'll come pick you up later."


	3. Chapter 3

I stared back at my reflection in the mirror. I had finally settled on my favourite red top paired with my favourite blue jeans.

_Whatever. It's not like anyone is actually going to look at me._

But that didn't stop my heart from fluttering with nervousness. I knew that it wasn't whatever. And I had dressed up so that a

particular someone would notice. Him.

I shook my head as if to rid myself of the ridiculous idea.

_Well, if anything, red is my colour._

It complemented my Chinese skintone and my brown hair and brown eyes. Next to the other pro dancers, actors and athletes, I knew

this would hardly make a difference. But I had agreed to go out, and so I will make the effort.

_Are you sure about this? _I asked my reflection again.

_If he starts flirting, it'll drive you up the wall. _I tried arguing with myself.

_Maybe he won't. Maybe he'll be good tonight. _

I saw my reflection visibly snort.

_Yea, if he doesn't flirt with you, he'll set his eyes on someone else. Someone with big tits, most probably. _

Suddenly, my phone rang. _Unknown_, it flashed. I picked up.

"Hey, Crystal. I'm downstairs. Ready to go?" It was Mark. He was late.

I had forgotten to key in his number earlier.

I made a last minute attempt to fluff up my short bob, checked that my make-up still looked intact, wished myself luck, and stepped out

the door.

It was as bad as I thought it would be. My head was already throbbing from the loud music. I had ordered a Long Island tea, but it

stood almost untouched on the table in front of me. I didn't feel comfortable drinking in front of strangers, which was what all these

people were to me. I looked around for the umpteenth time, wishing that I was back at home.

The others seemed to be enjoying themselves, though. Mark and Derek had probably gone around the club twice. Derek's partner, a

striking brunette pop singer, was having fun, too. Everyone was flirting shamelessly with everyone else, some would feel sorry

tomorrow for having had too much to drink, but everyone seemed to be friendly and getting along with each other.

_Keep smiling_. I had been telling myself that the whole night.

Chelsie's partner, who'd once been a Disney hottie, was going on and on about the music he was currently working on. He had nice

eyes, but that was all that was attracting me to him right now. Finally, when I couldn't stand to nod and smile anymore, I gulped down

my tea, stopped him mid-sentence and excused myself to the ladies.

But instead of heading towards the line, I quick-footed it towards the exit.

15 minutes later, I was still trying to spot a cab.

_Damn you, Mark Ballas. Damn it, I should've driven. Damn it. I just wanna go home. Please._

"Crystal?"

_Shit._

I turned around. Sure enough, there he was. Mark.

"Hey, I was looking all over for you."

"Sure you were." I muttered.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Um…trying to catch a cab back home?"

He raised his eyebrows. "But we came together."

"I know that."

He waited for me to say something more. But I didn't.

"Crystal, didn't you have fun tonight?"

I sighed. "Honestly, no, not really. I told you. I hate clubs."

"But the last time I checked, you were chatting with everyone and having drinks and…well, having fun."

I shrugged. "Everyone's really nice. But I'm too old for this."

He raised his eyebrows again. It must be the tea I had, because I reached out to pull them back down.

He laughed. "You're not old, Crystal. C'mon. What are you…"

"30!"

"So?"

"I'm older than you."

"Are we really going to argue about this here?"

I sighed again. "Please, Mark. It's been a long day. I'm really tired. I have no idea how you're still dancing in there because I'm sore all over, but like I

said, I'm older than you, so I guess my bones are old as well."

We both tried to keep a straight face, but to no avail. We burst out laughing. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. I'm being an ass. I know you're trying to be nice, but I would really like to get home. Can you give me a ride? If you're done breaking the

hearts of all those women inside the club, that is."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"That's right nothing. I'm nothing if not a gentleman."

I snorted.

"Hey, I'm a nice guy." He gave me a megawatt smile.

_Damn, it's dark out here, but I can still see those lashes. _

"Are you staring at me again?"

"What? No!"

He laughed. "C'mon, I'll drive you home. This way."

He pulled outside of my apartment and stopped. "Here you go. Home sweet home."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. See you tomorrow?"

"Yup. We're having our pictures taken, right?"

"Yea, tomorrow."

"Okay." I hesitated, before saying, "Mark…"

"Hmm?"

I leaned across the distance between our seats to look him in the eyes. Definitely the tea.

"You have amazing lashes."

He looked stunned for a moment.

"Uh…thanks. But where did that come from?"

"You asked me if I was staring at you earlier." I gave him my own megawatt smile before stepping out of the car.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up feeling annoyed. I had been tossing and turning the whole night. The last thing I wanted to do was to go for dance practice

today, but I'll be damned if I will let this affect me any further.

_I shouldn't have read the tabloids. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

The past 7 weeks had been pretty much a blur of activities. Practice, rehearsals, interviews, photos, costume fittings, more practice.

It was tiring, I wasn't getting much sleep, and the criticism got to me, but having survived 3 eliminations, I must say is pretty rewarding.

In fact, I was starting to feel like I was settling in. Then I had to go read that piece of news…

_Stupid, stupid, stupid! _

As I hopped into the shower, the words replayed themselves in my head.

_"DWTS Pro Mark Ballas Caught Canoodling with Ex. Are They Getting Back Together?"_

And the rest of the article detailed how an 'inside source' witnessed the two of them getting really comfy with each other over drinks.

Like, _really_ comfy.

_Why should I care?_

I groaned at myself in the mirror.

_You know why! _

"Because you were naïve enough to think that he'd be interested in you. That the dances meant something more. Oh, please! He's only

been doing this for 13 seasons. And now you're talking to yourself!" I scolded.

I huffed and puffed my way through breakfast.

_And just when my writing was starting to pick up pace. Damn it!_

Elaine had called me again last night to discuss the new chapters I had handed in.

"Crys! They're awesome! I love this new guy. Dancer, huh?"

"Shut up, Elaine."

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you're currently dating one?"

"Shut up! I'm not dating anyone, least of all Mark Ballas."

"That's not what the tabloids are saying."

"Well, read again. Last time I checked, he's getting back with his ex."

"What?"

Silence.

"Crys…are you alright?"

I sighed.

"Is this why Amanda got into that huge argument with Eric and ended up slapping him in Chapter 5?"

"Maybe I shouldn't have written that in."

"No, it's great. Full of passion and all. It's just…yea, _really_ passionate."

"Your point being…?"

"I felt like I was in the scene."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"It is! It just felt very real, that's all."

"Whatever you're trying to say, just say it."

"Crys, babe. I know you're not dating him. I was joking earlier. But…do you want to?"

I kept quiet.

"Hello?"

"Elaine…" I started. "I don't know. I mean, I do know what kind of guy he is. I know all too well. But there are times when I think,

maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he's just the type to fall hard and fast. Every season of DWTS."

"He's not Steven. Steven was an asshole."

"No, I'm aware that he's not Steven. But Steven isn't the only asshole on earth."

"Well, has he made a move on you?"

"I don't think so. Maybe? I don't know. The dances we've had haven't exactly been exceedingly intimate."

"So then what's he like around you?"

"He jokes around, teases me a lot. You've seen the show, what do you think?"

"You two look like you're getting along very well."

"And that's it?"

"I dunno, Crys. I can't really judge from an hour of tv."

I sighed. "You're right. It's just so confusing! I'm getting all these mixed signals. And I don't know if I want to be getting any at all!"

"You don't?"

I groaned. "I don't know! Do I?"

Before she could answer, I continued, "It doesn't matter. If he's hooked up with his ex again, there's nothing to consider. I'll be

completely professional about the whole thing."

"Really? So then is Amanda going to go the professional route with Eric as well?"

"Oh, shut up!"

When I walked into the studio half an hour later, Mark was already there warming up.

"Morning!"

I gave him a weak smile, then sat down to put on my dancing shoes.

"Are you okay?"

"Sure! Are you?"

Before he could answer, the camera crew walked in. Mark gave me a questioning look, but started talking about our dance this week

instead.

"So, we'll be doing the Rumba. Are you excited?"

"Wee…." I replied. He laughed.

"Come here."

I walked up to him, then gasped as he suddenly pulled me in close, so close that our noses were touching.

"How does this make you feel?"

"Uncomfortable." I could feel my face heating up. His arms were wrapped tightly around my back. I tried to wriggle myself free but his

hold on me was firm.

"Don't. I'm going to bend you backwards." And he did it. Slowly. But I felt rigid with fear.

"Let go, Crys. Just let go. I got you." When I didn't respond, he pulled me back up, then held my face in his hands as he looked me right

in the eyes.

"I got you. Trust me?"

I blinked several times. Then slowly nodded. With his arms around me again, I felt myself bend over backwards. I hooked my right leg

over his left one, then let go of his shoulders and reached overhead. When they nearly touched the floor, I exhaled, and went limp in

his arms. At that moment, he started to pull me back up. Slowly, ever so slowly. It felt like the world had stopped and all I was aware of

was his strong arms around me as he guided me up. His face grazed my body, leaving a trail of heat behind, from my chest, up to my

neck, and before I knew it, we were face to face, staring into each other's eyes. I looked down at his lips, then back to his eyes again.

They were dark with desire. His face seemed to move closer.

Then I heard the click of a button somewhere behind us, and the spell was broken. The cameraman cleared his throat.

"That was good. Carrie-Ann will love that. We'll put it in our routine." Mark said, stepping away.


	5. Chapter 5

Later that day after the camera crew had left the room, Mark turned to me, "So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

I tried to put on a blank face. "What are you talking about?"

"Earlier. You were acting all funny. You're still acting funny. Just not in front of the cameras."

I shrugged and looked away. Bad move. He sat down right in front of me, his face hovering close to mine.

"Crys?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mark. I'm just tired."

He sighed. "Are you?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Why don't you tell me?"

"This is stupid. There's nothing to tell. I already told you, I'm just tired."

"If you say so." He got up and held out his hand, "C'mon, let's work on your hip roll again."

I circled my hip in what I hoped was a slow, graceful motion. But what I saw in the mirror told me otherwise.

"I'm never gonna get this. I just look like my bum is itching. How is that supposed to be sexy?"

He walked over and stood directly behind me, hands on my hips. "Here, like this." He moved my hips around, slowly. It felt awkward ,

but looked better. "Try it again."

I did it again, without his hands guiding me this time. My hips simply jerked around. I shook my head at my reflection and groaned in

frustration.

"Let me show you," and he pressed his body against me from behind. As he slowly circled his hips, they pushed against mine and I

almost fell over. Then, instead of holding my hands, he moved his arms around my waist and held me still. He circled his hips again,

forcing mine to follow suit. Slowly, but surely, I felt my hips respond to his. I could feel his breath on my ear as he checked in the mirror

to see that I was doing it right.

"See, you're getting it."

Then, I did the mistake of turning around to look at him as I had been focusing downwards on my hips. On our hips. His arms were still

wrapped around my waist, and my hands were on top of his. My gaze shifted from his eyes to his lips. A mere hair's width apart from

mine. My heart threatened to explode in my chest, but somehow it remained there, hammering away, louder and louder with each

passing moment. I looked back up and noticed that he had also been staring at my lips. Our hands had intertwined in the lost moment

and were now gripping tightly at each other. Our breathing was getting labored. And yet, we stood still, for what seemed like eternity. As our eyes met

again, Mark shifted his face and moved in. As our lips grazed, I closed my eyes…and the image of him and his ex in the

tabloid flashed across my mind.

I broke away from our embrace and turned around to face him with a face full of scorn. He looked stunned.

"Crys?"

"No, Mark."

"What?"

"You want to know what's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong. You don't get to go around one day making out with your ex, then come

back here and do that." I shook my head in disgust, mostly at myself. I started to pack my things, flinging them into my bag. I had to

get out of there. I could feel my eyes burn from holding back the tears.

"Crystal, what are you talking about?" He stood in front of me and moved to stop me from leaving.

"Don't act dumb. I saw the pictures. This is wrong! That was wrong of us. Of me. I can't. I can't do this." I couldn't stop talking. I had to

keep talking, or else I would burst out crying. I tried to side step him and moved towards the door. His hand shot out to grab my arm.

"What pictures?"

"Oh, please. You went out with her last night, didn't you?"

"Who? Tiffany?"

"Yes, Tiffany."

"So?"

I shook off his grip. "So you got caught on camera. Everyone knows. You're getting back together. Congratulations."

He looked bewildered. And then hurt. "We're not getting back together."

"The pictures say otherwise."

"That was stupid of me. It ended a long time ago. Seeing her again, it just brought back old feelings. That's all."

"Weird way of expressing it," I scoffed. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I mean, it shouldn't matter to me. I'm sorry. We're done for today,

right? I have to go."

I ran out of the room before he could stop me again.


	6. Chapter 6

I had just stepped out of the shower when my phone started ringing. Again. I let it go unanswered. Then checked to see the current

toll of 20 missed calls. All from Mark. As I changed into my pajamas, I looked into the mirror. A swollen, red-eyed and red-nosed monster

stared back at me. The shower is great at muffling out crying. I've learnt that through my past break-ups and heartaches. But this was

no break-up. And yet, it was a major heartache. I sighed and looked away.

My stomach rumbled and I realized that I had missed dinner. Halfway through scouring for food in the fridge, my phone rang. Moments

later, so did my doorbell.

_Now what? _

I let my phone go unanswered again, and made for the door. Looking through the peep-hole, my heart sank right down to my feet. It

was Mark. I stood there while the doorbell rang again. My hand went to the doorknob, but made no move to turn it.

"Crystal," he started yelling, "I know you're in there. Open the door."

I winced. It was loud enough to alert my neighbors. And it was late. Too late for this sort of thing. So I opened the door. To an angry

Mark Ballas.

"Why the hell haven't you answered any of my calls?" he growled as he stepped in. I closed the door behind him before any of my

neighbors could poke their heads out.

"Hi, Mark." I tried to sound innocent. "Drink?"

"No, Crystal. We have to talk." He was glaring at me. "What's going on?"

I shrugged, avoiding his eyes. Settling myself down on the sofa, I grabbed one of the pillows and held it close, as if to shield myself

from him. He didn't move.

Then, when I hadn't said a word, "Well?"

I took a deep breath. "We're partners, Mark," I began, "that's all. For this season. Then we're done." I ended the sentence as a

question, and looked at him.

"So what was that all about back at the studio?"

I could feel my heart breaking. He hadn't responded to my question. "I apologize. It was unfair of me, to judge you, and your…

relationships. It's none of my business."

He sat down beside me. Too close again. I shifted myself away from him.

"Crys, something's going on. Something happened earlier today," he paused, "did you feel it, too?"

I shook my head and laughed. "It was just a moment. It happens. Doesn't it?" I didn't sound convincing, not even to myself. Then when

he didn't answer, "It's happened to you many times."

He bristled in defense, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean you always end up dating your partners, don't you? It's a norm, isn't it?"

"No. It's not." He sounded angry. "I don't sleep around, if that's what you're implying. I'm not going to deny that things like that don't

happen with the others, but I'm not one of them."

I snorted. It made him even angrier. He stood up.

"I came here to talk about what, almost happened between us. But obviously nothing did. I'll see you at practice tomorrow then."

As he walked past me, I reached out and grabbed his hand. He stopped and turned to look at me. I looked up to see that he was still

seething with anger. I stood up and used my hands to brush away the scowl on his face.

"I'm sorry, Mark. Please don't go like this. I…," I trailed off, at a loss for words. My hands were still on his face. I started rubbing the

stubble around it, circling my right thumb until they reached the corner of his mouth. His right arm moved around my back as he pulled

me in towards him. His left hand closed over mine as he softly kissed the palm of my right hand. All the while holding my gaze. I held my

breath. His face inched closer. I could feel his breath, hot on my lips. I shifted my eyes to glance at his. They seemed to be moving.

Somewhere at the back of my head, I heard, "I'm not getting back with Tiffany. I swear." I looked back into his eyes and knew that he

was telling the truth. At least I hoped I was right. I couldn't tell. Not with him standing so close to me. Not when we were breathing the

air the other exhaled. The lack of oxygen made me feel a bit giddy. So I did the next best thing. I kissed him.

His lips were soft on mine. I could feel his body responding and warming up to mine. His kisses were slow, sweet and gentle at first. He tasted good. His lips felt right against mine.

_I'm kissing Mark. Mark's kissing me back._

All thoughts flew out the window, however, as his kisses became more demanding and almost frantic. I couldn't tell when one stopped and the next one began.

It felt like one deep, never ending kiss, but many different ones at the same time, as we sought out each other's lips, turning our heads to make them

fit better. His arms pulled me even closer to his body, so tight I could hardly breathe. I wrapped mine around his neck, and started to run my fingers

around the back of his head. As I did so, his hands moved down my back to settle above my behind. The moment our tongues touched for the first time,

I let out a soft moan. Mark pulled my hips in toward his as his tongue drove deeper into my mouth. I moaned again. We were both gasping for air as

we came out of the kiss, his forehead resting on mine. Looking into his eyes, I saw that they were smoldering with desire, as before in the studio. I

planted a soft kiss on his lips. They curved into a smile. As I gathered my breath and my heart rate started to slow again, I whispered, "So, not getting

back with Tiffany, huh?"

He smirked.


	7. Chapter 7

Our Rumba was a hit. Even Len couldn't find fault with it. Bruno loved the overall sensuality, but I think it was Mark's abs that he loved more. When

Carrie-Ann commented on the chemistry that we had been lacking from past weeks, Mark gave me an unassuming kiss on the cheek. What the

audience didn't see, however, was his thumb making small circles on my lower back as it was hidden by the length of fabric draped across my body. I

squeezed his hand tightly in response. He did it again when we were talking to Brooke, and I tried to take a step away, but he held me firmly in place. I

got so distracted that Brooke had to repeat her question to me, at which point Mark snickered softly and stopped his teasing.

The after party was usually something I dreaded going to, and which I would gladly escape from after I had done my obligatory round of drinks and

photos. But Mark was in an exceptionally good mood and Mark Ballas with full-on charm is not someone you can say no to.

So here I am, standing beside him, music blasting in my ears, drink in my hand, surprised to find myself not minding a thing. And maybe even more

surprised that I've not had the urge to think up an excuse to run home and change into my pajamas.

"You look hot tonight," Mark whispered in my ear.

I smiled back at him and snuggled deeper into his arms. Photographers be damned. His hand started sliding down my back, which was left uncovered

by my halter top. I shivered. I glared at him, but it only made him wriggle his eyebrows at me and smirk.

_Well, two can play at that game._

I shifted so that our legs were touching, then placed my left hand nonchalantly on top of my thigh. Mark was now talking to Derek about a dance they

were planning to choreograph for one of the results shows. Without anyone noticing, I slid my hand from my thigh to his. I grinned to myself in the

dark.

_This is going to be fun._

Slowly, but deliberately, I glided my fingers up his thigh. I did it so gradually that he didn't realize what was happening until my hand was directly

beside his crotch. And then I started running my finger across the top of his thigh. I would move it away then slide it back toward his crotch. Never

actually coming into contact with his happy region, but close enough. Back and forth I went. All the while smiling at Derek's partner whom I'd struck up a

conversation with. When Mark spluttered into his drink, I turned to look at him and grinned with satisfaction.

"You look tired, Crystal. Shall I drive you home?"

Later, as I was opening the door to my apartment, Mark started to kiss the back of my neck. Moments later, I realized that we were still standing

outside my apartment and that I had had my eyes closed, when he whispered in my ear, "Open the door, baby. I need to go in."

Once I had stepped inside, I opened my mouth to ask him why as he was stepping in. But before I could get the word out of my mouth, he had clicked

the door shut behind him and in one swift movement, pulled me in roughly towards him. I was about to sound my protest but he was quicker to

smother them with his kiss. It was demanding and full of desire, and I found myself responding with equal intent. I wound my arms around his neck so

that I could squeeze our bodies tighter together. The hardness of his chest was in such contrast to the softness of my breasts that it piqued my desire

even further. I was fully aroused, and having worn nothing underneath my black halter top, he could feel it. He started to push his hips against mine,

and I realized that it was to show me that he was fully aroused as well. When we pulled apart, his eyes were wild with desire.

"That was a very bad thing you did back at the club."

I played innocent. "A bad thing I did?"

"Don't play with me, baby. You know what you did."

"Oh, you mean this?" And I leaned forward to flick his right earlobe with my tongue.

His response was a soft guttural growl. I laughed.

"No? What about this?" I ran my finger along the nape of his neck, then glided it from the back of one ear to the other.

He growled again, louder this time.

"Wrong again? I'm being forgetful. Was it this, then?" And I started to plant small kisses all over his face. On either side of his cheeks, the tip of his

nose, his eyelids, his forehead, but paused right in front of his lips. "So which one was it?" I whispered.

Without saying a word, he grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me up. I wrapped my arms and legs around him in return. Carrying me this way and

never once taking our eyes off each other, Mark walked towards the bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day as we walked into the dance studio for practice, we bumped into Derek. I couldn't tell for sure, but he gave me a slight wink. I looked

questioningly at Mark but he seemed to look guilty and tried to hide it by turning his face away. Before I could grill him, he started talking to Derek, so I

excused myself and headed to the studio, but I swear I could hear Derek bursting into laughter behind me.

As I was warming up, my phone beeped.

_"Babe, you look hella sexy on tv. Wish you had dressed up like that when we were together. Let's meet up."_

The number was unknown, because I had deleted it from my phone after we broke up, but unfortunately, I had no option of deleting it from my

memory.

It was Steven. My asshole ex.

Just the thought of him brought on an onslaught of emotions that nearly choked me on the spot. It had already been 2 years but it always took me by

surprise how raw it still made me feel. I felt like I was about to hurl and cry and scream all at once. In fact, I was so caught up that I didn't notice Mark

walking up behind me. I was so absorbed that I screamed when he grabbed me from behind.

"NO! Don't touch me!"

I whirled around only to realize that it was Mark. And I was overcome with guilt at the shocked look on his face.

"Crystal?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mark. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." I kept whispering over and over again. He still looked shocked, but he came

over to wrap me in his arms. When I started sobbing, he held me even tighter. I pushed my face into his shoulder, unable to look him in the eyes. He

started to rock me gently and made soft hushing sounds. When I had become silent again, he whispered in my ear, "What's wrong, baby?"

I remained silent.

He pulled us apart slightly and I could feel his intent gaze upon me, but I just could not bring myself to look at him.

"Crys, if this is about last night, I'm really sorry. I thought we talked about this."

I shook my head.

"So…"

I opened my mouth to say something, and hesitated.

_No, I can't tell him. _

"Crystal?" He tilted my chin up so that I would look at him.

_I don't know how. How do I tell him?_

"I'm sorry, Mark. I…" My phone started ringing. I had still been gripping it in my hand. I looked at the screen, and felt sick to the stomach all over again.

_Why won't he leave me alone? _

"Crystal, aren't you going to answer your phone?"

Mark's question reminded that I was not alone. But I had to be. I had to get out of there. Or I would breakdown in front of him.

"Mark, I'm sorry. I can't explain right now. Please…please…" I struggled for words, "please trust me. I have to go. I'll call you."

I grabbed my bags and practically ran out of the room before he could stop me. I didn't have to turn around to know that I had left behind a very

bewildered and hurt Mark Ballas.


	9. Chapter 9

"Crys? What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at dance practice? Are we going to argue about this stint again? Because

you're doing great with Mark! Everyone says so. You keep getting better and better each week. And people are already getting curious

about you. Sales on your last book are going up, you know. What did I tell you? I must say, even though I thought of it myself, this was

a fabulous idea…"

A sob escaped from my throat and Jen finally stopped talking.

"Crystal? What's wrong? Shit, don't just stand there. Come in!"

I sat myself down on the couch and put my head in my hands. Jen came to sit beside me but didn't say a word. Having known me for

more than 10 years, she knew better than to pepper me with questions at times like these. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity

of silence, I looked up, but not at her.

"He's calling me again."

"The pizza guy?"

Her ludicrous question made me turn around to glare at her. "The _pizza_ guy?"

"You told me he was sort of stalking you."

I rolled my eyes. "No, Jennifer. It's _not_ the pizza guy. It's…_Steven_," I whispered.

"What? Who is it?"

"STEVEN!" I yelled. "STEVEN! STEVEN! STEVEN!" I shoved my phone into her hands.

She read through the five messages I had received earlier. He had sent them when I had refused to reply to them or answer his calls.

Each one sounded nastier than the one before.

"The sonuvabitch!" Jen hissed. "How dare he! I'll kill him! I'm calling him right now and setting him straight. Who the hell does he think

he is?"

But before she could hit the _Call_ button, I snatched the phone away from her hands.

"No!"

She looked back at me in surprise. "Why?"

"Because…" I trailed off. I had kept the truth hidden away for 2 years. I had told no one, not even Jen, my best friend. I couldn't deal

with the truth then, and I realized that I still can't deal with it now. I took a deep breath.

"Jen…I...He…Back then…"

"I know what happened, Crys. He cheated on you. Several times. We had to physically keep you away from him, you were so dumb…

er…I mean, naïve."

I took another deep breath. All of a sudden, Jen's computer ping-ed.

"Shit! I was in middle of a meeting! Stay here, I'll be right back," she ordered.

As she disappeared into her study, I collapsed onto the back of the couch. For the first time since leaving the studio, my thoughts flew

to Mark.

_Oh, Mark…What have you gotten yourself into?_

I had not been able to take my eyes off of Mark as he carried me down the hallway of my apartment. It slipped my mind, therefore, that

he had not been inside my apartment before. He had no idea where my bedroom was. When I realized this, I decided to keep quiet and

see how he'd figure it out. A silly grin started to spread across my face. We arrived at the first door. He shifted me so that he was now

supporting me with one arm, then with the other, he turned the handle. I laughed. It was the guest bathroom. Mark turned to glare at

me.

"You find this funny, huh?"

I shook my head with wide-eyed innocence, but remained mum. We headed towards the door on the other side of the hallway. Before

placing his hand on the handle, Mark gave me a questioning look. I let out a soft giggle, then shook my head again. We moved towards

the next door, and he gave me the same inquiring look. This time, I threw my head back and laughed. He seized the opportunity to kiss

my exposed neck. It caught me by surprise and made me gasp with pleasure. Mark pushed us against the wall and slowly kissed his

way towards my lips. He took his time with it, torturing me with the anticipation. My legs were still around his waist, so his hands were

free to caress me, and I could feel them everywhere. Rubbing the back of my neck, up over my shoulders, in between my breasts,

slowly and gently, his fingers leaving scorch marks wherever they went. When they started stroking under my breasts, I looked into his

eyes and started squirming. I wanted –no, needed- him to touch them. But he either didn't get the message, or chose to ignore it.

Frustrated, I tried to guide his hands with mine, but he immediately pinned them to the wall on either side of my body. Then he

continued his assault of my neck with his mouth. By the time his lips actually came into contact with mine, I was so aroused that I let

out an involuntary whimper. I could feel him grinning against my mouth, but was too helpless to pull apart and admonish him about it.

His tongue slowly found its way into my mouth and I moaned with pleasure when it gently touched mine. The apartment was silent

except for the sounds of two mouths sucking hungrily at each other and the heavy breathing that came with it. Mark started to push me

further against the wall, and I reveled in the feeling of his hardness against my own body, but when I began to struggle for air, I

gasped his name, "Mark!"

His eyes had never been as dark before as they stared deep into mine. "Bedroom," He growled.

I let myself down onto the ground, took his hand, and silently guided him to my bed.


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm so sorry, Crys. It was…oh, nevermind, we can talk about that later. Are you feeling okay now?" Jen's face was etched with concern.

I immediately felt guilty.

"I'm sorry, Jen," I shook my head.

"What for?"

"You're busy. I'm disturbing you, aren't I?"

She hit me on the arm. "Don't be so silly! I'm _your_ agent. I was only having that meeting because of you. But more importantly," she

turned grim, "I'm your best friend. Now, will you tell me why you refused to let me call up that bastard?"

I sighed and stared at my hands, twisting my fingers around each other. It was a nervous habit.

"Crystal…don't make me beg."

"I'm sorry, Jen."

"Quit saying that!"

"It's hard. I….you're going to hate me when I tell you this," I winced as I finally turned to look at Jen.

She lifted her eyebrows but remained quiet.

I took a deep breath and continued, "It wasn't just that he was cheating on me. He…I let him…I let him hit me…"

Silence filled the entire house. It had never been this quiet before. Jen had never been able to stay this silent for this long. Ever. I stole

a quick glance in her direction, and only then did I realize that she had turned white from shock.

"You. Let. Him. Hit. You." she repeated. "You let him hit you? Crystal? How?"

"I didn't leave him. I couldn't leave him. I needed him."

"Did he tell you that?" she hissed. "Did that lying sonuvabitch tell you that after he laid his hands on you?" Jen was clearly out of shock

now. She was seething with anger.

"He might have said it. But he was right."

"Crystal! How can he be right? He hit you! He deserves to be in jail!" Jen was practically yelling now.

I shook my head and started to cry.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," she took a deep breath. "Was that why you would disappear for days at a time?"

I nodded weakly. "I couldn't let you guys see me. You'd have known. And I couldn't…I just couldn't…I didn't want anyone to know."

"Why, Crys?"

"Because I was ashamed," I whispered.

At some point, Jen had taken my hand in hers and was now squeezing it tightly. We stayed like that for a while, both in silence.

Finally, Jen spoke up, "You didn't deserve to be treated like that, Crystal. Look at me."

I lifted my eyes to look at her.

"Steven is a lower life form than I ever imagined he could be. He never deserved you. He probably knew that himself, that's why he was

insecure enough to lash out at you and…" I could see she was trying to hold back tears, but she took a deep breath and continued. "He

was so insecure he had to convince you that you needed him in your life. So you wouldn't leave him."

"I loved him."

"I know you did, Crys. But he didn't love you. If he did, he would never have treated you that way."

"I knew."

"Knew what?" asked Jen.

"I knew that he was sleeping around."

"What?"

"Of course I did, Jen. I'm not blind." I shook my head and laughed scornfully. "I confronted him about it. He said that I should mind my

own business and…and slapped me across the face."

"Fucking bastard."

"I was so stupid, wasn't I?" I hung my head in shame.

"Yes, Crystal, you were. So stupid."

I looked up in surprise at her reply, caught the twinkle in her eye, and we both burst out laughing. I took a deep breath, a different one

this time. One that awashed me with a sense of relief I hadn't felt in 2 years. I gave Jen's hand a squeeze.

"I know that it's hard to understand, but I didn't know that I was being stupid."

"Crys, I didn't really mean it!"

I shook my head. "No, Jen. I know you didn't. But we listen to these kinds of stories and think that there must be something wrong with

the woman for wanting to put up with shit like that. I know I did."

"So was there something wrong with you?" she smirked.

"Maybe. But in the moment, you can sort of justify why he did what he did. And afterwards, when he apologizes and explains why he

did what he did, it echoes what you were thinking anyway. So then you start believing that he was right. That he couldn't help himself.

That you provoked him so much he had to do it. That he still loves you. That he'd never do it again if you never make him so mad

again."

Jen had tears in her eyes.

I smiled and squeezed her hand again. "Yea, so my shrink may have had something to do with that discovery. I guess I shouldn't take

all the credit."

She burst out laughing.

"Are you still seeing Dr. Cooper?"

"Not as often. But maybe I should go in again soon."

"Good. You let him handle your little discoveries. I'll handle that bastard for you."

"No, Jen. Please, I'd rather you don't," I begged.

"Why not? He could use a little lesson or two. After getting away with it for so long," she huffed.

"Because I just want it to go away. I'll just change my number. If I ignore him enough, he'll go away again. Like he did the last time."

"OK! Enough with the puppy eyes! I won't, I promise. For now," she muttered.

"OK, you promised!"

I started twisting my fingers again.

"Is there something else, Crys?"

"I…it's Mark."

"Mark Ballas? What about him? Oh, don't worry about practice. I can just call up and arrange another session for you if you want."

"No, it's not just that."

Jen looked at me expectantly. As I turned red, her face dawned with realization.

"You didn't! Omg, tell me you didn't! You did? You did!" She bounced on the seat with joy.

"Shut up! You're as bad as Elaine," I scolded.

"What? You told her before you told me?" Jen said indignantly.

"No! She doesn't know. She suspects, but she doesn't know. Don't tell her!" I warned.

Jen leaned over to hug me tightly. "I'm so happy for you! Wait," she leaned back and gave me a questioning look. "I am supposed to be

happy for you, right?"

"I guess," I shrugged.

"You _guess_? What is that supposed to mean? Doesn't he make you happy?"

"Very!" I blushed again. Jen noticed and smirked.

"I can see that. So what's the problem then?" she asked.

"I dunno. I feel like we're moving too fast. And I'm afraid…it scares me. It feels like Steven all over again…"

"Just because your relationship is moving forward faster than you expect it to doesn't mean it's a bad thing, Crys."

"I did the same thing with Steven. I just, I need time, so that I can trust myself around him. I need to trust myself around him."

"He's not Steven, Crystal," Jen said reassuringly.

"Funny. That's what Elaine said, too."

"That's because we can both see that he's not Steven."

"I just need time, Jen. I have to trust him, trust us."

"Well, then have you told him everything about yourself?"

"What? Why?"

"Everything, Crys. If you're serious about him, he needs to know."

"But…"

"But what?"

"What if he can't accept it?"

"It?"

"That I'm not normal. That I have to see Dr. Cooper."

"The whole town is seeing someone!"

"But…"

"Crystal Chen! It's not your fault. He either accepts and supports you, or he doesn't. And if he doesn't, well then Mark Ballas is not

worth your time. Finish the show and forget him."

_Easier said than done._


	11. Chapter 11

Jen had insisted on sending me home after dinner, refusing to let me drive. I had more or less calmed down after spending the day

with her, but as we turned into my neighborhood, my mood started to shift again. She seemed to sense it. "Crys, what's wrong? Is he

calling you again? I swear…"

"No, Jen. I turned my phone off earlier, you know that."

"Oh…so…"

I took a deep breath and sighed. My heart was racing. And as we pulled up in front of my apartment, I knew exactly why.

"Mark," I whispered.

"Is that…" Jen turned to me, her eyes wide with surprise.

"Yes. I turned my phone off," I repeated.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"I was supposed to call him," I continued, explaining to Jen. Her face dawned with understanding.

"Are you feeling up to it?" she asked, full of concern.

"Honestly, no."

"Then, do you want me to…"

"I don't think that's a good idea. He looks mad."

"Oh yes, he does."

We both sighed, then turned to look at each other, one warily, and the other full of grim determination. With a deep breath, I got out of

the car. Jen mouthed a 'good luck' to me through the window before driving away. Somehow, I knew that he was already standing

behind me. I slowly turned around to face him.

"Hi, Mark."

"What the hell is going on, Crystal?"

_Oh boy. _

I forced myself to look up into his eyes and was surprised to find that they were more hurt than angry.

"I'm sorry," I automatically began saying.

"I don't want any more apologies, Crys. I want you to tell me what's going on." He sounded more angry than hurt, though.

"Please, Mark. Can we at least go back into my apartment to talk about this?"

"No, we can't."

"What? Why not?"

"Because the last time I did that, we didn't actually do much talking."

I blushed, thinking about it.

"I can't, Crys. My mind stops working when I'm alone with you. But I can't take this anymore. Are you having PMS again or something?"

I snorted. I couldn't help it. His accusation was so absurd. Then I remembered that I had given him that same excuse on the first day

that we'd met. I shook my head.

"No, Mark. It's not PMS."

"Well, what then?"

"Please…let's go inside."

"No, Crystal. This is unacceptable. Your mood changes every time I see you. One day, I think you're into me. The next day, you act like

you hate my guts. Or you start crying and just run away without telling me why. And you won't even switch on your god damn phone!"

People were starting to stare. And recognize us. So I pulled him by his arm and forced him into the building. Miraculously, he didn't

object, so I led him all the way up into my apartment. Once inside, I sat him down on the sofa, went into the kitchen and came back

with a glass of water.

"Drink," I ordered.

He turned away, still sulking.

I took his hand and wrapped it around the glass. "You're drunk. Drink some water," I ordered again.

He glared at me before downing the water. Satisfied, I sat down beside him. He was the one who moved away this time.

"Are you sober enough to talk now?" I asked

"I know what I'm doing. The question I wanna know is, do you?" He looked at me accusingly. "Because it just seems like you're playing

me here."

I was taken aback by his question and stunned into silence.

"Well, are you?" He asked again.

"Am I what? Playing with you? No, Mark, I'm not."

"Then what the hell is going on? Will you please just tell me? What was that all about earlier? What happened? Where have you been?

Why didn't you call me?"

His questions came one after the other. I was so overwhelmed that I tried to open my mouth to answer them but was at a complete

loss for words.

"This is bullshit. I'm outta here." He stood up to leave, then hesitated. "Why won't you tell me, Crystal? I thought the other night meant

something."

"It did."

"Then what happened?"

I closed my eyes in frustration. All the words were forming in my head, but my mouth refused to co-operate.

_Tell him! _

Mark stood there waiting.

_Tell him or he's going to leave!_

"I..." I started saying, then stopped and shook my head, unable to go on.

Mark took a step towards the door.

_Tell him! He's leaving now!_

I panicked, but sat there motionless. I could feel myself succumbing to the darkness again.

_No! I refuse to let it end like this!_

"Don't go!" I suddenly called out.

He stopped in front of the door. "Why?" He asked without turning around.

"Because…I don't want you to. Please, don't go."

"That's not good enough, Crystal." Mark shook his head and put his hand on the doorknob.

"Mark, I…" I was about to tell him when the doorbell rang.

"Who's visiting you at this hour?" He turned to look at me accusingly.

"I don't know!"

But I soon did. My entire body filled with dread when we both heard, loud and clear from behind the door, "You bitch! You think I don't

know where you live? You think after 2 years you could become famous and forget about me? Pretend I don't exist?"

My past had just come crashing into my future.


	12. Chapter 12

It was dark inside my bedroom save for a sliver of moonlight that peeked through the closed curtains. I was standing in front of Mark,

and we were right beside my bed. I was finding it hard to breathe thinking about what would happen next. All the lowered inhibitions in

the hallway were forgotten. My palms were turning cold and sweaty and my heart was racing so fast it became more of a thrum than a

beat.

_Stop it!_ I willed myself. _This is so not sexy._

I was sure that Mark could tell how nervous I was because he was holding my hands in his and that he was secretly laughing at me

because he had not spoken a word. So I was surprised when instead he lifted my right hand towards his heart and placed it there. It

was beating hard and fast, like mine.

I turned to look at him. "Are you nervous?" I whispered.

He laughed softly. "Can you tell?"

"I am, too."

"Good."

"Why?"

"Because that means this is as special for you as it is for me."

He lowered his face to kiss me but I stopped him to ask, "Is it?"

"What?"

"Is this special for you?"

"Why not?"

I shrugged and looked away. Mark tilted my chin so that I would look into his eyes again.

"You're special, Crys. To me. You're very special."

This time, when he made to kiss me again, I didn't stop him. His lips were soft on mine. He pulled away slightly and waited. I knew it

was so that I would reciprocate his kiss. I grinned and lifted my face, but right before our lips touched, I whispered, "You're special to

me, too, Mark." And we kissed. A deep kiss that slowly, but surely turned fiercely passionate. I found myself being lowered down onto

the bed. Mark was now lying on top of me, kissing my face, then nibbling at my ear, my neck. My whole body felt like it was on fire. I

realized that I had been clawing at his jacket when he suddenly sat up, kneeling on either side of me on the bed, and shrugged it off. I

pushed myself up to a sitting position and placed a tentative hand on his shirt. Mark remained silent, looking at me. I grabbed his shirt

with my other hand and slowly lifted it up. Without a word, he lifted his arms to accommodate me and soon his shirt was on the floor

with his jacket. I placed both hands on his chest, reveling in their unyielding form, before sliding my hands toward his shoulders. I was

awestruck. He was perfect. He wrapped his arms around me again and started to push me back down, but I resisted.

"Take it off." I looked him in the eyes and he understood. With one pull, the back of my halter top came undone. I lifted my arms as he

had done, and Mark lifted my top up over my head before tossing it onto the floor. He stared at my breasts, and I blushed under his

intense gaze. But when he turned to look into my eyes once more, something made me take his hand and gently place it on my left

breast. His palm was searing with heat. The feel of his skin against my responsive nipple was almost too much to bear. When his hand

started caressing me, I couldn't help but let out a soft moan. He gave a soft squeeze and I moaned again, louder this time. Mark gently

pushed me down onto the bed again and lowered himself to take my sensitive bud into his mouth. I gasped and arched my back when

his tongue came into play. His other hand started to caress my other breast. I gripped his shoulders tightly as I felt the tension starting

to build inside me. He used his teeth to softly bite me and it almost made me pass out from ecstasy. When I couldn't hold on any longer, I closed my

eyes and succumbed to the pleasure as wave after wave began to hit me. When it was over, I slowly opened my eyes to find Mark staring down at me.

"Did you just…"

I blushed and looked away. But he took my face in his hands and lowered his lips to meet mine. It didn't take long for the kiss to turn

almost crazed, we were both so aroused. We found ourselves trying to unbuckle each other's pants, but it was a tangle of hands and

buttons and zips. I giggled. Mark stopped what he was doing to glare at me.

"Crys, baby, this is not the time to laugh."

"I'm sorry. But I can't get it off!"

He sighed and got up out of bed.

"Where are you going?"

"To do this." And without another word, he dropped his jeans to the floor. I stared at him, stunned for a moment. He stood at the foot

of the bed, waiting again. I hesitated a while before going to stand in front of him. It felt extremely unnerving as I slid out of my own

jeans, to know that he was watching me. My palms were starting to sweat again. He reached one hand out for me and I took it. But it

was not until I stepped into his embrace that I realized…I was shaking. Mark noticed immediately.

"Are you cold, baby?"

I shook my head. A tear rolled down my cheek.

"Let's lie down."

So we did. But I was still trembling. I tried to hide it by burying my face into his chest, but a traitorous sob escaped my throat.

"Crys? Shit…did I do something wrong?"

"No…no…it's…not your…fault." I was full on sobbing now.

"Then why are you crying? Did I hurt you?"

"No…no, Mark. It's…me. It's my fault."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry. I can't. I can't. I…"

He hushed me and rocked me gently while I cried in his arms. I didn't know how to tell him, but looking at Mark, standing there in

nothing but his boxer shorts, the reality of what we were about to do hit me. And the immediate flashback made me panic. I shuddered

again.

_Oh Mark, what would you do if you knew?_


	13. Chapter 13

_Oh Mark, what would you do if you knew? _

"No, Mark! Don't open the door!" I yelled, but I was too late to stop him.

At first, Steven was surprised to find a man standing behind the door, but when he recognized who it was, a leer spread over his

handsome face.

"So it is true. This is why you haven't been returning my calls. You're banging your partner."

"And who the fuck are you?" Mark hissed.

I rushed to pull him back into the apartment. "Please, Mark, let me deal with this."

"Who the fuck is he? Why has he been calling you?"

"Pretty boy here has no idea, huh." Steven smirked.

"Shut up!"

"We're engaged to be married."

"We _were_! Not anymore!" I cried in frustration. "Please, Mark, I can explain. Don't listen to him."

"Engaged? Are you seeing someone else, Crys?" Mark asked me, face full of disbelief.

"NO! You can't listen to him."

"Then who is he? What's he doing here? How does he know where you live?"

I was starting to hyperventilate. It took all my concentration to turn to Mark and say, "You have to trust me. I can explain this. Just not

now." I reached my hand out to him, but he stepped away.

"Trust you? How? You won't tell me anything, not even now." He looked at me accusingly.

I shook my head.

"You're right, dude, you shouldn't trust women. Especially not this one. She ran away with my heart. And ring."

"Go away!" I hissed at Steven. "Why are you here? Haven't you done enough?"

"Me? You left me, remember?"

"I left you because…" I trailed off, unable to speak the words. I was still ashamed of the truth, and at that moment, I had never hated

myself more for it.

Steven saw the look on my face and knew it, too. He was an asshole, but he knew me better than anyone else. He sneered and was

opening his mouth to say something else when seemingly out of nowhere, Jen appeared, stepped in between the two of us and

slapped him right across the face. Hard. Steven's face turned red with anger. He lifted his own hand as if to strike back but Jen spoke

up.

"Don't you even think about it, you asshole. Now I'm counting to three and if you're not gone by then, I'm calling the cops. They would

_love_ to know why Crystal left you in the first place."

At hearing her last words, Steven looked a bit taken aback. Then he whirled around to glare at me. He took one step towards me which

made me instinctively take one step back.

"One…" Jen started counting.

Steven stood where he was, his hands balled up into fists by his side. He was gritting his teeth. I could tell by the familiar pop of vein at

the side of his throat. I took another step backwards.

"Two…" and Jen reached into her bag to whisk out her phone. She started pressing in 911.

"Three." And she hit the call button. As she lifted the phone to her ear, Steven gave us one last glare, before turning around to walk

away. Jen quickly ended the call, but yelled to his back, "And don't you ever come near Crystal again. I'm warning you."

As Steven disappeared into the elevator, I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't aware that I had been holding my breath the entire time he

had been waiting for the elevator to arrive. I didn't think he would leave so easily. At least not without a fight. But I was glad that he

was finally gone. So glad that I now collapsed into Jen's arms.

"You left your dancing shoes in my car," she explained.

I nodded weakly. "I'm just glad you're here."

I looked up to notice that Jen was staring past me into the apartment. Then, I remembered why.

_Mark!_

I quickly whirled around. "Mark!"

"I'm leaving, Crystal."

"No, please. It's over, he's gone."

"I don't even know who _he_ is. And you know what, I don't need to know. This shit is too much for me."

"What?"

"All this…it's too much drama. And you never tell me anything. I can't handle it."

"You can't…._handle_ it?" I spluttered in disbelief. "Aren't you even going to let me explain?"

"I did. I came over to ask you for an explanation, remember? I begged you for it. Why do I have to beg you for an explanation,

Crystal?"

"I…" I was speechless.

"This shouldn't be so hard. The beginning shouldn't be so hard. Should it?"

I closed my eyes, willing this scene to go away, willing his question to go away. But it was out there. He had said it.

"Um…Crys, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me," and Jen quietly walked off towards the kitchen. Mark and I both remained where we

were, him looking hurt and me finally resigned to my fate.

"You're right, Mark. It shouldn't be this hard. I'm sorry, I really am. Maybe…you should go now." My voice was trembling. I was on the

verge of tears, but I held them back. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed the urge to cry to go away. When I felt it was safe to open my

eyes again, I realized that Mark was still standing in front of me. I watched his feet take step after step towards me.

"Don't," I whispered to his feet. "I won't be able to handle it."

I continued to stare at his feet, but felt him place a soft kiss on my forehead. Then, his feet turned around and walked out the door. As

soon as I heard the doors of the elevator open and close, I collapsed onto the sofa, buried my face in my hands, and cried. Jen came

over to hug me, but it only made me cry harder.

_It's over…it's over…it's over…_


	14. Chapter 14

I opened my eyes. They felt raw and swollen.

_Where am I? What time is it?_

I turned my head to look around. Big mistake. My head felt as if it were about to implode. I grunted.

"Crys? You're up."

Jen's face appeared in front of me.

"What time is it?"

"It's 6."

"In the morning?"

"No. You've been out the whole day. Are you hungry?"

I shook my head slightly. The pain was almost unbearable. I slowly pushed myself up and out of bed.

"Have you been here the whole time?" I asked.

"Yea. I didn't wanna leave you alone at home. And I didn't know what time you'd be up."

I headed towards the kitchen with Jen behind me.

"Are you hungry, Crys? I was about to head out for dinner."

"No. You go ahead."

"Babe…"

"Really, I'm fine. Go home, Jen. I'll be fine here."

"You're not fine. You've been crying the whole night." She looked pointedly at me.

I sighed and sat down at the counter with a glass of water.

"Come out for dinner with me," Jen pleaded.

I shook my head again. "I'm not hungry. You go."

Jen sat down beside me. "I've cancelled your dance practice for today."

"Thanks."

"But…"

"I know. I still have to go in eventually. When?"

"Tomorrow."

I took a deep breath, then said, "OK."

We were both silent for a while, before I asked, "Has he called?"

Jen hesitated. "No."

"OK." I took another deep breath, and exhaled. "Hey, you said you were going out for dinner. Go on."

"Crys…"

"Please, Jen."

"Well, before I go, do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you." I gave her hand a squeeze and forced myself to smile.

"I'll be back later."

"OK, take your time."

As the door closed behind her, tears started to roll down my cheeks again.

The next day, Jen had to wake me up in time for practice. I went through the motions of taking a shower, changing, even drinking a

glass of milk. She insisted on driving me there, but past the doors of the studio, I was all alone. Stepping into the room, Mark was

already there waiting for me. I plastered a smile onto my face. It took so much energy that I felt like turning around to crawl back into

bed, but I knew it was not an option. So instead, I sat down and changed into my dance shoes. We were doing the Tango this week

and only had a few more days left to rehearse our routine. Mark proceeded to show me the steps and I tried my best to keep up.

Neither of us brought up what had happened and said as little as possible to each other. My heart ached a little bit more each time he

placed his arms around me. The proximity of the Tango meant that we were touching each other all the time, and it both thrilled and

saddened me. On one of our breaks, Mark left the room and I was all alone. I took the opportunity to bury my face into the towel and

allowed myself to cry silently. Being so close to Mark so soon was proving to be much harder than I had anticipated. His pretending as if

nothing had ever happened only served to make me feel worse.

At one point during a hold, I looked up to find our faces so close that I could feel his breath on my lips. We paused and our eyes met. I

thought I saw something flash across his eyes, but before I could be sure, he had stepped back and turned away. It made my breath

catch in my throat and my heart ache even more. It never happened again. And somehow, I got through the day without breaking

down in front of Mark.

"Good job today. I'll see you tomorrow, same time?"

"Sure," I replied, then turned to leave.

"Crys?"

I stopped, but didn't turn around. I had to get out of there. I needed to be far away from him, as soon as possible.

"Yes, Mark?"

"Are you ok?"

I took a deep breath before answering curtly, "I'm fine. See you tomorrow."

And I left before he could say another word.


	15. Chapter 15

I was in my trailer right after dress rehearsal when I received a text from Jen.

_"You need to hear this from me first. Steven got to the tabs with nasty lies. Working with Angie to settle this asap. Don't worry."_

My first reaction was…no reaction. I was a complete blank. I should've known that Steven wouldn't go away that easily. But I had been

too preoccupied about Mark to have realized that sooner. I logged on to Twitter, full of apprehension. The first tweet that I saw was

from Perez Hilton, and it made me sick to the stomach.

_"DWTS Crystal Chen a closet nympho?"_

I closed my eyes. It was my worst nightmare come true. I had a sinking feeling about the stories that Steven had fed the tabloids, and I

would have no way of denying them. Because they were true. Steven had made me do things, sometimes out of force, but mostly out of

my own free will to please him. These were things that I had tried my best to block out of my memory, because they made me feel like

filth every time I thought about them. He made me act like a trashy slut. A slutty piece of trash. And he had just informed the rest of the

world. I wanted to crawl into the deepest, darkest hole there was and die. Instead, there was an insistent knock on the door that I

had to answer.

I opened the door to the producers. They all looked concerned.

"Hi. You heard."

"Crystal, your agent just gave us a call. It seems that they're on damage control now. But the news is out. People are reading about

it."

"I know. I've read it myself."

"It's going to affect your votes, definitely."

"That's not really my main concern right now."

"Of course." At least they had the decency to sound a bit sheepish over that comment.

"Are you feeling up to performing tonight, then?"

"Do I have a choice?"

They looked at each other, then back at me. Grim faces all around.

"I guess not. Don't worry, I understand. Show is on in a few hours. I'll manage. The show must go on, right?"

Their relief was palpable.

"Does Mark know?"

"No, we haven't spoken to him. We came here first thing."

"Of course."

"Do you want us to…"

"I'm sure he's found out by now."

"And if he hasn't, would you like us to talk to him?"

I hesitated. What could I say to him without making matters worse?

"Yes, I'd like that. Thanks."

But as they were leaving the trailer, Mark appeared, his face flushed red with anger. He looked at the producers, then me, and his

expression turned even darker. One of them tried to step in between and talk to him.

"Mark, why don't we have a talk?"

But he glared right at me and refused to be led away.

"I need to talk to Crystal. Alone." He all but spitted out the last word.

As they walked away, I took a deep breath to steady myself and began to twist my fingers in nervousness.

"What the hell is this, Crys? Please tell me they're all lies. I can't believe you'd keep this from me."

At this attack, instead of bursting into tears, I saw red instead.

"You can't believe it? I can't believe you! What business is this of yours anyway? Why would you care what news appears in the tabs

about me?"

He looked taken aback at my own rage. "I…I'm your partner. I deserve to know. This will affect me, too."

"Well, I'm sorry if we lose votes because of this. But you know what, you're still getting your paycheck. So no, you don't deserve to

know anything. You abandoned all rights to know anything when you decided that you couldn't handle all my drama." I crossed my

arms and glared right at him.

Mark was stunned into silence. He seemed to struggle for words for a while, and as I watched, his expression changed from anger, to

frustration, to hurt, to concern. Finally, he took a step towards me. I moved away.

"Crys…" He began saying.

"Mark, don't. Whatever it is you want to say, don't. You made the right decision the other night. And even if you didn't…" I stopped and

tried to blink back the tears that were burning the back of my eyes, before continuing, "I can't. I'm sorry if this affects you in any way.

But we have a performance to put on, so whatever it is, can wait until after."

I put on a stony face, so he just nodded reluctantly and left the trailer. I made sure that he had closed the door before I let the tears

go.

Our dance was the worst yet. I missed steps here, there and everywhere. So much that even Bruno had a hard time finding something

positive to say. I had a sinking feeling that the audience was whispering about me the entire time. The cast members kept throwing me

sympathetic looks. I tried my best to ignore them all, as well as keeping a distance from Mark, without being too obvious about it. Every

time it seemed as though Mark was about to open his mouth to say something to me, I came up with an excuse to turn away and talk

to someone else instead.

_Just get through the show_. I kept telling myself over and over again, praying that by the end Jen would've found a way to fix things. Or

make Steven disappear. Or at the very least, me. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, they called it a wrap. I rushed off to check

my phone. Jen had left me a message.

_"Crys, we're hauling his ass to court. You need to get to my place asap. We'll be waiting for you."_

We? Who's we?

_We_ turned out to include Bill, my lawyer, Elaine, and Angie, a publicist Jen had hired. As I stepped through the front doors, they all

turned to look at me.

"Crys." Jen rushed over to give me a hug. Elaine followed suit. Bill and Angie nodded at me from where they were sitting.

"So…" I looked at them questioningly.

And as I sat down, Jen filled me in on how they had managed to stop the story from spreading for now. But to my horror, they didn't

plan on stopping there.

"You want me to do what? No! No, Jen, you know I can't!"

"Crystal, that sonuvabitch is not going to stop here. You know that better than we do. You have to make him stop. This is the only

way."

I shook my head repeatedly. "This can't be the only way." I stubbornly argued. "I can't! I can hardly tell it again. You have no idea how

hard it was to tell you the other time. Besides, I have no proof. Nobody will believe me."

"Yes, you do. You told me you were sent to the emergency room one night. They have your records. They can prove what he did to you.

And you've been seeing Dr. Cooper these past couple of years."

I shook my head again.

"Crystal, listen to me." Jen gripped my shoulders. "You have to do this. You need to do this. If not for yourself, then at least for the

other women."

I finally looked up in surprise. "Other women? You mean the other women he was seeing?"

"No, Crys. He's done the same thing to other women. After you."

My mouth opened in horror. Jen nodded grimly.

Angie spoke up, "It's true, Crystal. We found two of them once we started digging around. They didn't come forward because they were

afraid of what he'd do if they did."

"Imagine how many more there must be. Maybe even before you," said Elaine.

My heart turned cold. I thought about the fear and the darkness that Steven had introduced to my life. And I thought about the other

women who had had to endure the same things I did. And then I thought about the women who might have to go through it again if I

didn't put a stop to it now. And I realized that this was no longer an option for me. I looked at the four faces staring expectantly at me

and nodded.

"Let's get the bastard."


	16. Chapter 16

"Crys!"

I looked up to see Elaine and Jen walking towards me.

"E! What are you doing here?"

"Excuse me, but did you plan on leaving without saying goodbye? You still have to hand in the rest of your book, you know. There'll be

hell to pay if you say you don't want me here."

I laughed and gave her a hug. "I'm glad you're here, Elaine."

"That's more like it!" She hugged me back, tightly.

Jen cleared her throat. "Hello…I want a hug, too."

The three of us burst into laughter and assembled into a group hug. After a couple of minutes, I spoke up, "Girls, it's not like I'm never

coming back."

"But you don't know when you're coming back," Elaine retorted, still refusing to come out from the group hug.

"People are starting to stare. Can't we at least sit down?" I grumbled.

"Fine, fine. Let's get a drink," said Jen.

As we took our seats in a corner of Starbucks, Jen and Elaine both turned to look at me.

"Will you at least be back for my birthday?" asked Elaine.

I rolled my eyes. "That's not for another 9 months, E."

"So?"

I sighed. "I really don't know. I'm just glad that this is all over and I can finally have a break. A real break."

"By yourself," Jen pointed out sarcastically.

"Yes, by myself. Dr. Cooper said that it's a good idea to enjoy being by myself for a while. After all that's happened."

"Can I say again how happy I am that Steven's ass is on bail right now?"'

"Yes, Jen. You're delirious. You've told us only a thousand times." It was Elaine's turn to roll her eyes.

I looked at Jen. "Promise me he won't hurt anyone else ever again."

She squeezed my hand. "Don't worry. With the three of you stepping out to speak against him, he's going to be knee deep in legal

proceedings. And Bill is not going to let him off easy. I just wish you'd let Angie plaster his face all over the tabs like he deserves. No

woman would touch him with a 10 foot pole then."

I shook my head in resignation. "The paps would be more interested in me. I think I've had enough of being the headline for this

lifetime, thank you very much."

"Too bad you got eliminated so soon, Crys," said Elaine.

I groaned. "Oh c'mon. My Tango was horrific. You both saw it."

"But you were preoccupied with the whole Steven debacle. The viewers and judges should've considered that," argued Elaine.

"It's better this way. And thanks to Jen, I don't even have to be back for the finale." I smiled gratefully at her.

"And in appreciation of all my hard work, you can tell us what happened between you and Mark after the results show."

I played innocent. "What do you mean?"

This time, they both rolled their eyes at me. I reciprocated by rolling my eyes back at them.

"Nothing happened, really." I shrugged.

"Then why did you have to go off, just the two of you, afterwards?"

"I just wanted to thank him for being a great coach to a bad student."

"That's it?" Jen exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes, that's it."

"And what did he say?" asked Elaine.

"Nothing." I said matter-of-factly. "We exchanged hugs, then walked away."

"Hugs or…."

I swatted Jen's arm lightly. "Nothing else happened!"

"That should explain this then," she replied.

"Explain what?" asked Elaine.

Jen pulled out her phone and showed us a picture of Mark and a blonde girl holding hands, walking down some street. She raised her

eyebrows at me. Elaine shook her head disapprovingly.

"When was this?" she asked.

"Yesterday?" Jen replied.

"Just one month after?" Elaine scoffed.

"I know." said Jen.

"You guys! What does it matter?" I spoke up.

"It doesn't?" Elaine sounded incredulous.

I shrugged and gave a weak smile. "We were never actually a couple. It's fine. I'm happy for him." Then when they both looked

unconvinced, I continued, "Honest! Look, I'm moving on, aren't I? Going on a sweet vacation and all."

"Which you are coming back from, right?" Jen glared at me.

And the topic of Mark Ballas was dropped.

But afterwards when the girls had left, and I was sitting by myself, waiting to board the plane, I couldn't stop thinking about Mark. I

pulled out my phone and opened up the poem I had jotted down a few nights after our first kiss. We had stayed up late in his

apartment talking. I had eventually dozed off on the couch, but was awoken by Mark picking softly on his guitar. Unwilling to disturb

him, I had remained silent, watching and listening to him play his music. The first few lines of the poem had come to me then, and with

his back to me, I had soundlessly, or so I thought, whipped out my phone and keyed them in before I could forget. However, I had

looked up to find him staring at me with a mixture of amusement and curiosity.

"What are you doing, babe? Did I wake you?"

" No," I replied sheepishly, then immediately tried to stash my phone away.

"Are you trying to hide something from me?" He smirked as he hung up his guitar on the wall, then came over to pry my phone from my

hands. "What's this?"

I blushed in embarrassment. "Nothing," I mumbled.

_"Being so close to you_

_My heart beats again_

_Being so loved by you_

_I can live again_

_I was blind on my own_

_Now I see again_

_I was all alone_

_Now I'm brave again."_

I squirmed in my seat while he read the poem aloud. When he reached the end, he looked me and asked softly, "Is this about me?"

I bit my lower lip, then slowly nodded.

"It's beautiful. Why wasn't there a poem in your book?"

"My book? How do you know that there weren't any?"

He looked sheepish. "I read the one you gave me."

I looked at him in surprised. "You did?"

He shrugged. "I wanted to get to know you better."

"And did you enjoy it?" I asked cheekily.

"It was…entertaining, some parts more than others." He smirked.

I laughed. "It's trashy, I know. But it's fun. I really like it."

"But this poem is great. You should write more of these."

I snorted. "I think I'll stick to my genre, thanks. Trashy is as trashy does."

The call to board the plane shook me out of my reverie. On an impulse, I typed in 2 stanzas, hesitated, then added another line. I hit

send before I could let myself back out. As the final call for my flight rang out, I stood for a moment where I was, waiting for my phone

to beep in reply. But it was silent and unfeeling.

_At least I tried. No regrets._

I switched off my phone, grabbed my bag, and headed towards the gate.


	17. Chapter 17

Almost a year later, I stood in front of the arrival hall of JFK, looking out for the ride that Jen had had arranged to pick me up. It had

been a long flight from Malaysia and I was exhausted. I couldn't wait to check into the hotel so that I could sleep off the jetlag. I

couldn't call Jen because I had cancelled the service after being away for so long and the payphone seemed too far away. I groaned

inwardly and continued waiting.

I checked my watch again. It had been almost an hour. I was freezing, having been ill-prepared for the cold weather. I was about to

turn around and head inside for a cup of coffee when a car pulled up in front of me, rolled its windows down and a familiar face

appeared.

"Crystal!"

"Elaine? What are you doing here?"

"Well I missed you, too," Elaine grumbled as she stepped out of the car to help me with my luggage.

"What have you got in here? Another person?" She groaned as we both lifted my bags into the back of the car.

"Comon! What's taking you girls so long? We have a dinner reservation."

"Hi, Jen. I see you've missed me, too." I grinned as I got into the passenger's seat and leaned over to give her a hug.

"Of course I've missed you," said Jen.

"We all have!" Elaine spoke up from the back. "For a while there we thought you were never coming home."

I smiled wistfully. "You're right. I'm home again. Well, at least I will be after the reading tomorrow."

"No thanks to Jen," grumbled Elaine.

"What did I do?"

"Crys could've come home sooner if you'd set up her book tour sooner."

"Well I would have, if _someone_ had finished editing it sooner so that the book could actually get published."

"You guys!" I cut in before the argument could go on. "I'm here now. That's what matters, right? And I'm really happy that you're both

here as well. Really. You have no idea how much I've missed the three of us together. So where are we heading for dinner? I'm

suddenly starving."

Back in my hotel room after dinner, as Jen was going through tomorrow's program with me and Elaine was watching the tv, a familiar

tune came on.

"Is it the new season already?" I asked.

"What? DWTS? Yea, it's a few weeks in," Elaine replied.

I was silent for a moment. Jen raised her eyebrows at me but was equally silent. Finally, I asked, somewhat nonchalantly, but not

looking at either of them, "How's Mark doing?"

Jen and Elaine exchanged knowing glances. I caught Elaine mouthing something to Jen, and Jen furiously mouthed something back

while shaking her head.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Nothing," Jen exclaimed forcefully, effectively cutting off Elaine who looked as if she was about to say something. Elaine scowled.

"Elaine?" I looked at her.

"Elaine has nothing to say," said Jen.

"But Jen does," replied Elaine, looking pointedly at Jen.

I turned to look at Jen, who refused to return my gaze. "Jen?"

She sighed loudly before scolding Elaine, "We agreed not to say anything!"

"No, _you_ agreed. I wanted to tell her," argued Elaine.

They continued bickering for another minute before I finally yelled, "Can somebody please tell me what's going on? You're freaking me

out!"

They both looked guilty. It was Jen who finally spoke up. "Mark tried calling you after you left. He couldn't get through to you, so he

called me instead."

I was speechless for a moment. "But you never mentioned anything."

"See, I told you we should've given him her number." said Elaine.

"Oh shut up. You said no such thing. If anything, you told him off for dating someone else so soon." said Jen.

I shook my head slowly. I was still reeling from shock. "That's almost a year ago. Why didn't you tell me?" I looked accusingly at Jen,

then Elaine.

"You seemed really happy, Crys. Happier than you've ever been. And you never talked about Mark, so we thought, well, it would be

better if your past remained that – your past." explained Jen.

I sighed. "Well, can you at least tell me now if he said anything?"

"He wouldn't tell me. He insisted on talking to you, but I refused to give him your number or tell him where you went, so…" Jen trailed

off and shrugged. Her face was still plastered with guilt.

"We're really sorry, Crys. We thought you'd moved on. We really wanted you to move on." said Elaine, coming over to wrap her arms

around me.

"Well, I have, no thanks in part to the both of you." I glared at them.

"I'm sorry, babe. Please don't be mad. You just came home to us." Jen sat down beside me, too, and pulled me into a hug. I was now

sandwiched between Jen and Elaine, who both squeezed me tightly.

"OK! OK! I'm not mad!" I laughed. "I understand. It's fine."

They both leaned back to look at me hesitantly. "Really?" asked Elaine.

"Yes! It doesn't matter anymore. Mark doesn't matter anymore. What matters, is this." and it was my turn to wrap one arm each

around Jen and Elaine, pulling them into a group hug. And the topic of Mark Ballas was dropped, again.

I switched on the bedside lamp and glanced at my watch. 4 a.m.

_Damn_.

I had crashed after Elaine and Jen had left to go back to their rooms, but had woken up at this odd hour, no thanks to jetlag. I sighed

and got out of bed, knowing that it would be pointless to try to go back to sleep. After drinking a glass of water, I fished my laptop out

of the bag and turned it on. My fingers hovered over the keyboard as my heart kept debating with my head.

_You know you want to._

_What good will it do? It's been so long._

_But you didn't let go. You never really moved on. This could be the closure you need._

_Or it could mess with your head even more._

_But he had something to say._

_If he really did, he would've found a way to get to you. The fact is, he gave up. He's moved on. For gods' sake, it's been a year._

I sighed. My head was right of course. It's been a year since I last spoke to Mark. Everything has changed since then. My new book was

out and I'm scheduled for a one month book tour. I had just come off my medication for depression, with blessings from Dr. Cooper

himself. But throughout my solitary time off, even though I had been preoccupied primarily with finishing my latest book, my mind

constantly flew to Mark. I missed the feel of his strong arms around me, the taste of his soft lips on mine, the way his eyes crinkled

when he smiled, the way my clothes would smell of him after a day at the dance studio. I often wondered if he'd received the text that

I'd sent him right before boarding my plane, and if he did, whether he felt the same way.

I made up my mind, took a deep breath and quickly typed into the Google searchbar: _Mark Ballas girlfriend_. Within seconds, the

page loaded with pictures of Mark with a cute blonde. Walking hand in hand on the streets, outside the club waiting to board a cab,

arms around each other on the red carpet. He looked the same. No. He looked happy. I felt a familiar ache spread across my chest. I

didn't bother to check the dates of the pictures. There was no need. He had clearly moved on, and seemed to be the better for it.

_I guess this is what you'd call closure. _

_Then why does it still hurt so much?_


	18. Chapter 18

I looked out nervously at the crowd gathering in front of the small stage that the bookstore had set up for my book reading and

signing. Public speaking still freaked me out even though I had done book readings in the past. I could feel my palms starting to sweat

and my heart race uncontrollably.

"Crys? Are you ok? You're looking a bit green. Stop looking out there and sit down." Jen ordered.

"I wasn't expecting such a big turnout, Jen."

She rolled her eyes at me. "Why not? Your books have always done well. Stop psyching yourself out. Here's your book, those are the

markers you placed. After the reading, we're having a short Q&A session as was discussed, then we're heading straight to photos and

signing. Any questions? No? Good. You've done this only a hundred times, Crys."

I rolled my eyes back at her. "Gee, thanks, Jen. Sarcasm really helps with my nerves."

"Oh, is that why you're following suit?"

I stuck my tongue out at her.

The bookstore manager came over to inform us that the readers had been seated and asked if I was ready as the reading could begin

anytime now. I took a deep breath and nodded at Jen, who gave the manager a thumbs-up. After his introduction of me and my new

book, the audience gave a polite round of applause. I took another deep breath, exhaled slowly, and stepped out onto the stage.

Smiling awkwardly, I walked towards the podium and adjusted the microphone, testing to see that it was on.

"Hi. I hope you're all having a good evening so far. Thanks so much for coming out tonight. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your

support. I…This book has been…" I started fumbling through the notes that I had prepared. Beads of sweat trickled down my face. The

audience stared back at me in silence, some of them looking concerned.

_Fuck it_.

I cast my notes aside and picked up the book.

"If you've read this book, as well as my previous ones, you'll notice that this one is…different from the others. Some of you may

remember that I had a mini life drama a while back," I paused and smiled apologetically at the audience, "but writing this book proved

to be cathartic, because I got to express myself unlike before… when I lacked the courage. Some of you may think that this book is

darker than what I'm used to, but it's also more real. I don't know if I'll keep writing this way. All I can say is that this book has helped

me find myself and have faith again. So if you've not read it, I really hope that you enjoy it, as much as I've enjoyed writing it. OK,

enough about me. Now, I'm going to read a few paragraphs from Chapter 5…"

At the end of the reading, as I was taking questions from the audience, one of them stood up to ask, "Crystal, would you mind reading

the poem in the final chapter to us. It's my favorite scene."

"Really? Thanks! It's mine, too. Sure thing, I'll read it if the others won't mind."

The audience all seemed to nod in consent, so I opened the book to the correct page, and began reading aloud.

_"Being so close to you_

_My heart beats again_

_Being so loved by you_

_I can live again_

_I was blind on my own_

_Now I see again_

_I was all alone_

_Now I'm brave again."_

I stopped, then on an impulse, continued reciting the other half from memory.

_"But a pause has come_

_Will we meet again?_

_Lights dim weak and low_

_Will love die again?_

_Crossing paths with you_

_I have changed again_

_Faith grows in my heart_

_Now I believe again."_

I looked up. The audience was silent, then suddenly abuzz with questions. The lady who had requested the poem stood up again.

"But that wasn't in the book."

I blushed. "No. No, it wasn't. It's…uh…"

"Was there a misprint? Are our copies incomplete?"

"No!" I exclaimed. "It's not like that. It's uh…" I looked around frantically for Jen. She was about to step out to my aid when suddenly, a

man with a beanie at the back of the room stood up and asked loudly over the babble of questions , "It's still not complete, is it?"

My heart stopped. "Wha…what?" I managed to stammer.

"The poem. There's more to it."

His voice sounded sadly familiar. But I couldn't be sure over the hubbub. And then he lifted his face to look at me. If my heart had

stopped beating a while ago, it came alive now and was threatening to jump out of my throat.

_Mark!_

Before I could process my thoughts, however, the lady spoke up again. "There's more? Crystal, is this true? What is it then? Will you

read it to us?"

I looked at the lady in alarm. The rest of the audience seemed to agree with her, as they began to urge me to recite the rest of the

poem. I glanced back at where Mark was still standing and searched his face for signs of what he was thinking.

_What is he doing here? What does this mean? Why would he want me to finish the poem now?_

So many questions were running through my head right now, but I had no time or space to answer them, as the audience seemed

implacable in their request for the unfinished poem.

I looked down at my twisting fingers, then back up at Mark. His face revealed little. He did seem to be waiting as expectantly as the

others, though, so I cleared my throat and spoke into the microphone.

"If you'll allow me to finish."

As the room settled down into silence again, I could feel my heart hammering away in my chest. I prayed that it was not loud enough to

be heard over the speakers. Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I hesitated for a moment before speaking clearly.

_"Being so close to you_

_My heart beats again_

_Being so loved by you_

_I can live again_

_I was blind on my own_

_Now I see again_

_I was all alone_

_Now I'm brave again_

_But a pause has come_

_Will we meet again?_

_Lights dim weak and low_

_Will love die again?_

_Crossing paths with you_

_I have changed again_

_Faith grows in my heart_

_Now I believe again._

_Is this love you ask?_

_I say yes_

_Again, and again, and again."_

I closed my eyes as a tear slid down my cheek. The room was silent. I could feel everyone's eyes on me. Eventually, I peeled my eyes

open to find Mark standing right in front of me. I took a step back in surprise.

"Is it true?" he asked.

I looked back at him questioningly.

"Do you still feel that way?" he asked again.

"What does it matter?" I whispered.

He took a step towards me. The audience held their breath, seemingly in unison.

"It matters, Crystal. Please, answer me."

"It doesn't matter," I shook my head insistently. "You're with someone else now."

"I'm not."

"But…I saw photos."

"That again?" He pursed his lips and shook his head at me.

I blushed. "But you can't deny it."

"When were the photos taken?"

I blushed even redder. "I'm….I'm not sure."

"6 months ago, Crys."

I looked up to meet his eyes. He looked back at me, unflinching. I shook my head again. "Why didn't you at least try to look for me?"

"I did. Your BFF told me to get lost."

I glared at Jen, who I found standing at the side.

"So you thought…"

"So I thought you'd changed your mind. That the poem didn't really mean anything. Maybe you just wanted to finish it, for closure, I

dunno." Mark shrugged, then took my hands in his. "Until I read your latest book, and I saw it again. I thought, it had to mean

something this time. So when I got to know that you were having a reading tonight, I flew over."

"Why?"

"Because I have to know. I need to know. Is it still true? Do you still feel the same way?"

"Why?"

"Because…" he paused for a moment, searching my eyes. "Because I love you, Crystal. I fell in love with you back then. I was just too

afraid to admit it, or commit to anything when shit hit the fan."

"No shit." I muttered.

Mark grinned sheepishly. "So…"

"So…" I echoed.

"You're going to make me say it again, aren't you?"

I widened my eyes in innocence. "Say what?"

Mark took another step forward and wrapped his arms around my waist. I gingerly placed my hands on his chest.

"That I love you."

"You do?" A grin started to spread across my face.

"Yes."

"Yes?"

Mark groaned. "I swear…" he shook his head in resignation. "Yes. I. Love. You."

I smiled at him in satisfaction. He tightened his hold around my waist.

"So is it still true?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face down to mine, whispering, "Is this love you ask? I say yes, again, and again,

and again."

Our lips met amidst wild approval from the audience.

-The End-

Note: I hope you've enjoyed the story. Please leave a review if you did :)


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